JOHN MARONE, KYIV
IT’S A BIRD, IT’S A PLANE, IT’S UNDERDOG YATSENYUK
Arseny Yatsenyuk has been on Ukraine’s political stage for some time, as the nation’s top banker, top parliamentarian and more than one kind of Cabinet minister.
Now, he is running for president, as an alternative to the dynamic trio of President Yushchenko, Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko and three-time loser Viktor Yanukovych.
Arseny is young [35], smart, experienced and, of late, bold; but he still doesn’t have much of an image.
That’s why he’s been on the campaign trail lately, trying to show Ukrainian voters what kind of ‘man’ he really is.
“Ukraine needs radical changes. The country needs tough actions. I am not saying that the country needs totalitarianism, but the president must slam his fist on the table so hard that it is heard in the neighboring region, so that the glass rings from the shock waves. Then we will have some order in this country,” the bespectacled bureaucrat was quoted as saying in Lviv by his press service.
For a presidential candidate, this kind of language is par for the course, even pretty tame by Ukrainian standards.
But coming from Yatsenyuk, who looks more like a corporate accountant, charismatic librarian or brainy altar boy, the impression is that he’s laying the macho stuff on too thick.
“You can’t get anything done without a stick in your hands,” Arseny allegedly told the good people of Lviv [possibly inspired by Teddy Roosevelt]. “I am not going to act like a pastor and try to convince them [those ubiquitous bad guys]: Hey, don’t take bribes; You, please just work for the state; or, You, don’t commit any crimes. I won’t do this. The Prosecutor-General’s Office will take care of them [those same bad guys], or the Security Service of Ukraine [successor to KGB], or the Television [sic]. Until a dozen people are jailed for a million people to see, until people are held responsible for breaking the law, there will be no state order.”
Interestingly, until Yatsenyk showed up, it was Yushchenko who was struggling with the wimp image, with Tymoshenko branded as the housewife from hell, and ‘Yanuk’ pegged as a Belarusian refrigerator with the little light bulb burned out.
But no one has accused ole Arseny of being a wimp yet. In fact, the public doesn’t really know what to make of him.
The billboards bearing his face vaguely remind one of a book cover for a 1950’s detective novel.
On closer inspection, though, Mr. Yatsenyuk isn’t such a bland buttered boy after all [the background to the billboard is green, for some reason].
For one thing, he has been developing a reputation for being cocky, if not arrogant – beyond the needs of his campaign image as a tough guy.
In response to this growing public perception, Arseny’s faithful press service quoted him denying any inclination to bigheadedness: “And do you know why [I don’t have a big head]? Three times [I have served] as a minister, the head of the National Bank, and the parliament speaker. Yes, by now I should not only be suffering from a big head, but I should have already died from this ailment.”
Yatsenyuk has to, of course, appear strong, especially in the wake of the Orange Revolution chaos left by incumbent President Viktor Yushchenko.
The two politicians, however, are farming the same electorate, in Western and Central Ukraine, where voters are still suspicious of overbearing and insensitive commissars.
On some issues, such as foreign affairs, Arseny looks as Orange [i.e. pro-Western] as pumpkin pie.
“Russia respects only one thing – Russia respects strength. And as soon as they see you bending, they will break you, dump you and forget you,” our bespectacled hero said in Lviv.
But, alas, the Underdog seems to be caught up in his cape and cowl.
“Is Europe not the same? Do you think they are different? Or do you think that the Americans are better? They just have whiter teeth and prettier smiles,” the former diplomat was quoted as saying.
If these sorts of comments are meant to demonstrate Yatsenyuk’s balanced foreign policy, he should at least pronounce them with the sort of tact he demonstrated as foreign minister.
Instead, one gets the impression that the geek is not loveable and quirky but quite full of himself.
Responding to the issue of his age, Yatsenyuk was quoted as saying: “Precisely because I am 35, I have more chances of doing something. And do you know why? Because I cannot afford to make a mistake. I have my whole life ahead of me. If I deceive you, then I won’t be able to stand before you again.”
But, unfortunately, the more the man speaks, the less he convinces. Like a sophomore running for student president, Arseny wants to tell us who he is rather than show us.
He speaks about budgets and crime like a conservative, but touches religion with the 10-foot pole of a left-wing political theorist.
“It [the church] cannot be in politics. The church has one policy – the Bible,” he said.
Religion, or rather the religiously minded (if not anti-Semetic) are not quite as squeamish, however, about touching Arseny, with more than one Ukrainian politician crudely challenging him to acknowledge his Jewish roots.
The issue is particularly touchy, as Yatsenyuk is rumored to be receiving campaign financing from one of Ukraine’s less popular Jewish tycoons – Dmytro Firtash.
For some, Yatsenyuk’s age, sudden rise to prominence and, yes, even his ‘minority’ status have qualified him as the Ukrainian Obama.
But if Ukraine isn’t Russia, it sure as hell isn’t The U.S., where Underdog is also the name of a comic book hero.
Yatsenyuk, as he asserts, may indeed have an entire political career ahead of him. Then again, so did Ted Kennedy. For now, the bespectacled wunderkind should be thinking about cutting deals with the country’s oligarchs or building a campaign team in the regions. And while in public at least, he might consider taking off the cape and cowl.
John Marone, a columnist of Eurasian Home website, Kyiv, Ukraine
September 22, 2009
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